


Hens and Stags

by Skyler10



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Bachelorette Party, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Stag Nights & Bachelor Parties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-05-31 22:30:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6489874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyler10/pseuds/Skyler10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose hosts a hen do for her alien friend, Leannah, while the Doctor goes out for stag night with her fiancé and childhood sweetheart, Schoder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hens and Stags

**Author's Note:**

> I have this headcanon that Rose and Tentoo befriend all these aliens that settle on Earth, whether as expats or refugees or whatever. And Torchwood helps them blend in with London life. Plus, I just thought we all needed some straight-up silliness this week. So here you go: 1,000 words of cracky fluff. (*Bonus points to anyone who can spot the references to my previous fics!)

Leannah and Schoder had come to Earth at 18 to attend uni as “just friends.” Well, just friends who happened to be raised together, kiss a bit, and were uninterested in dating anyone else. Upon graduation, their engagement video had gone viral on YouTube, which happened to be noticed by Torchwood. A sharp eye had picked up on their alienness, and soon they found themselves in an interrogation room with Doctor and Agent Tyler.

A short interrogation led to pizza, which led to an exchange of phone numbers, and now they were among the Tyler’s closest friends. Rose and the Doctor were their cool older double-date partners and, in a way, relationship mentors. They had been married a solid five years, after all, and in Leannah and Schoder’s young eyes, seemed to overflow with wisdom on romance, relationships, and surviving adulthood on a foreign planet.  Rose was even Leannah’s maid of honor, seeing as her own sister wanted nothing to do with Earth, so Rose had stepped in to be a surrogate big sister yet again.  

Tonight was their hen-do and stag night, and Leannah was already missing her groom, who was out with the Doctor and the boys on a pub crawl. As the conversation in Rose’s living room turned more wine-soaked and raunchy, the younger girls (human and alien expats) had taken to asking the older girls (human and alien expats) daring questions about intimacy, but it was sort of devolving into a rules-less game of innuendo and suggestiveness resembling Truth or Dare, without the dares.

“Leannah, your turn!”

“Alright… Rose.”

“Yes?” The very tipsy blonde grinned at her friend.

“You know that Schoder and I are telepathic.”

“Yup. What’s your question?”

“Well, I happen to have it on very good authority that so are you and the Doctor.”

“HOW did you find that out?”

Martha grimaced at Rose and waved. “Sorry. Thought everyone knew that.”

Rose sighed dramatically. “I _suppose_ you’re right. We aren’t exactly subtle about it after all. You are forgiven, Dr. Jones.”

“Thank you, Agent,” Martha laughed, mimicking her best friend’s faux posh tone.

“ANYWAY,” Leannah continued loudly before blushing and backing down a bit. “Umm… do you guys ever use it for… you know?”

Leannah raised her eyebrows suggestively and received a round of cackles and “ooooh”s from the partygoers.

“Ah.” Rose set down her wine glass on the table and cleared her throat. “Leannah. When two telepaths love each other very much –”

Her mock lecture was cut off with a thrown throw pillow and a raucous round of laughter.

“Oi, ok! Ok. Seriously, yeah, of course. It’s part of who we are.”

She had the room’s attention now, most of whom had little experience with telepathy outside of Torchwood self-defense classes, whether required for staff or voluntary for friends and family of staff.

“Blimey, how do I explain this? It’s good. Really good. You… um… you still feel everything going on physically, but… eh, _more_. Like, you can be in other places, in your head, but reality doesn’t go away, not completely and… I’m buggering this all up, aren’t I?”

 “No! No,” Leannah assured. “I get it. You can project images? Like you’re really just in bed, but you can be somewhere sexy?”

“Somewhere dangerous?” Martha chimed in, knowing her friends.

“Yeah,” Rose confirmed. “Or… somewhere you wouldn’t normally do it but want to.”

“Oh my god. At the office!” Martha gasped before clamping a hand down over her mouth.

The guilt on her face only made them giggle harder.

“Sure, whatever gets ya going!” Rose laughed. “Wherever makes you wish you could shag him right there, but for some reason you can’t.”

“Hm. And the sex – it’s just as good?”

“Oh. No. Trust me. It’s far better,” Rose confessed freely before turning to the non-telepaths in the room. “Sorry, ladies. But being with an alien has its perks.”

Martha shrugged and faked a pout. The other girls just laughed knowingly. Rose was well known for her unique discernment where alien “perks” were concerned. She was often sought out as the expert when one of them wanted to hook up with the single, attractive aliens who arrived in the office for one reason or another. 

Leannah’s mobile rang right on cue.

“Heeeeyyy babe,” a sloshed Schoder answered from the other end. “I love you. I love you soooo much.”

“Love you too,” Leannah giggled into the phone.

“I’m serious! Why are you laughing?”

“Nothing! Rose here was just telling me about what I should get you for a wedding gift. But you’re gonna have to wait until the honeymoon to get it.”

At this the women’s laughter was loud enough to be heard through the phone.

“What did she say?” the Doctor could be heard saying – quite loudly – on the men’s end.

Schoder relayed the message.

Not ten seconds later, Rose’s mobile rang.

“Sweetheart. What did you tell them?” the Doctor asked as soon as she picked up.

“Nope. Not telling.” Rose bit at her lip to hold back a grin.

“Oh no. You didn’t.”

“Didn’t what?”

“You didn’t tell them about naked Twister, did you?”

“DOCTOR!”

Now it was the men’s turn to laugh loud enough to be heard by the ladies.

“No. But you just did,” Rose got out between giggles.  

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Um… You girls enjoy your night. I’ll text you when we make it to the hotel.”

“K, have fun. Love you.”  

“Love you too.”

Meanwhile, Leannah and Schoder had rung off in a similar manner.

The girls stared at each other, waiting for someone to say what everyone else was thinking.

“What?” Rose asked. “Not my turn anymore. You got your answer.”

“Unhuh,” Leannah clarified. We are taking turns _asking_ questions. Not answering them.”

Martha immediately turned to Rose (who was living up to her namesake in coloring) and grinned at her in unrestrained glee.

“SO. Naked Twister was it? Do tell.”

 


End file.
